EDITION #1305
This issue 5ยข

We're not new News, we're News Thats Used

Tomorrow is Sunday March 29, 2020
This is day 88 of 2020

Used News Entertainment

Wednesday February 19, 2003

Handel's world-famous Messiah, recorded by the London Philharmonic Orchestra, has been given an X rating by an online music store. Apple Computer's online iTunes Music Store marked the baroque composer's masterpiece with the red warning that indicates the content might not be appropriate for young children or others with sensitive tastes.

That puts German born George Frideric Handel, who became a naturalized Englishman in 1727, in the same category as rapper Eminem whose music has also been slapped with an "explicit" ...


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Did You Know

  • According to U.S. laws, a beer commercial can never show a person actually drinking beer.
  • The average home creates more pollution than does the average car.
  • 20252 is Smokey the Bears' own zip code.
  • In 1897, Bayer, who is the maker of Aspirin, marketed the drug heroin.
  • Teflon is the slipperiest substance in the world.

Jokes Bar Jokes

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do. Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want ...


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  • "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." "Last one off the plane must clean it."

  • Filed Under: → Aviation

  • In the defense of our nation, a president must be a clear-eyed realist. There are limits to the smiles and scowls of diplomacy. Armies and missiles are not stopped by stiff notes of condemnation. They are held in check by strength and purpose and the promise of swift punishment.

    - George W. Bush 43rd President of the United States

  • Filed Under: → Politics


  • If necessity is the mother of invention, why does so much unnecessary stuff get invented?

  • How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

  • Does killing time damage eternity?

  • Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

  • How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders?

  • Why, if the best things in life are free, the next-best things are so expensive?

  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

View More: → Good Questions


  • Captain James Cook becomes the 1st to cross the Antarctic Circle.

    Sunday January 17, 1773

  • Filed Under: → Travel Section


  • 1st shipment of asparagus arrives in San Francisco from Sacramento, California.

    Monday February 9, 1891

  • Filed Under: → Travel Section


  • Henri d'Aguesseau's 1st appointment as chancellor of France.

    Monday February 1, 1717

  • Filed Under: → Religion


  • Hiram Revels is sworn in as 1st black member of Congress.

    Friday February 25, 1870

  • Filed Under: → Politics


  • Cave of Winds at Niagara Falls goes almost dry for 1st time in 50 years.

    Tuesday February 18, 1896

  • Filed Under: → Miscellaneous


Used News Crime Beat

Two babies were left starving and suffering health problems while their parents played Dungeons & Dragons. American couple Michael and Iana Straw, 25 and 23, from Nevada pleaded guilty to child neglect, brought about by their obsession with internet and video games, authorities said.

Their children, a boy aged 22 months and girl aged 11 months, were badly malnourished and near to death last month when doctors saw them after social workers took them to hospital. Michael Straw, who was unemployed at the time of the incident, had come into a $50,000 inheritance and spent it on computer equipment and a large plasma TV. The Straws allegedly failed to feed or properly clean their children because they couldn't tear themselves away from the computer. Their main ...

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  • The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not Eureka (I found it) but, That's funny. - Isaac Asimov Professor of Biochemistry

    Filed Under: → Science


  • An English astronomy professor said in the early 19th century that air travel at high speed would be impossible because passengers would suffocate.

    Filed Under: → Irony


  • I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
    - circa 1943 - Thomas J. Watson Chairman of the Board of IBM

    Filed Under: → Irony


  • The Worst Journey in the World
    - by Helen Back
  • Grow Your Own Vegetables
    - by Rosa Carrotts
  • The Strongman
    - by Everhard Muscles
  • One Hundred Metres to the Bus Stop
    - by Willy Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont
  • Repairing Old Clothes
    - by Fred Bare
  • How I Crossed the Desert
    - by Rhoda Camul
  • Whats Up, Doc?
    - by Howie Dewin

Jokes Wildlife

This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam." She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks."Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."

The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she ...


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Used News Crime Beat

Sunday September 21, 2003

India's version of Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry, the zero tolerance Bombay policeman who dispenses justice from the barrel of a gun, has killed 105 suspects and shows no signs of stopping. While Inspector Pradeep Sharma's methods are questioned by human rights groups, he remains unrepentant. In fact he insists in language that might have come straight out of a Clint Eastwood movie that he acts in self-defense. "These criminals are filth. My mission is to cleanse the city of this filth and it's working," he said. "If they're armed and resist arrest, then I have to shoot in self-defense. "Why this concern for them? If they're walking about with AK-47's, you can be sure they're not going to the temple or going shopping."

Sharma's campaign began 13 years ago after he joined Bombay's newly formed Criminal Intelligence Unit (CIU). Now at 41, he is officially credited as the policeman with the most "kills" in India. He is known to journalists as "the terminator." He receives letters of support every day that far outnumber the complaints about the so-called "encounters" in which the suspects die. "I'm just a God-fearing man doing my job, which is eliminating crime in this city, not terminating ...


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Jokes Accountants

There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem."

"You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an accountant make it this far and were not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the accountant. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What were going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven" "Sorry, we have rules." And with that St. Peter put the accountant in an elevator and it went down down down to hell.

The ...


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Used News for March 28

  • It must have been a driver's worst nightmare - cruising down the highway and suddenly running smack into millions of angry swarming bees. The bees were on the loose in California after a truck in which they were being transported flipped ...

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    The Year Was 2008

    Filed Under: Used News Old News

World Firsts

  • Samuel Clemens becomes Mark Twain for the 1st time.

    Monday February 2, 1863

  • Filed Under: → Entertainment


  • New York Yankees purchase 1st baseman George Burns from Detroit Tigers and immediately trade him to the Philadelphia A's.

    Saturday March 2, 1918

  • Filed Under: → Sports


  • Nicolaus Copernicus 1st recorded astronomical observation.

    Tuesday March 9, 1497

  • Filed Under: → Science


  • Georgia becomes 1st US state to abolish both legal rights of entail & primogeniture.

    Wednesday February 5, 1777

  • Filed Under: → Politics


  • Willie Shoemaker becomes 1st jockey to win $100 million.

    Sunday March 3, 1985

  • Filed Under: → Sports


View More: → World Firsts

Wise Words

  • Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.

    - Swedish Proverb

    Filed Under: Wise WordsProverbs

Good Question

  • How many weeks are there in a light year?
  • Don't you just hate the blatant materialism surrounding Christmas?
    And aren't you just dying to know what you got?
  • How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
  • If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
  • Consider one of the most perplexing questions of our time:
    Where do solutions go when a candidate gets elected?
  • If CON is the opposite of PRO, is congress the opposite of progress?

Filed Under: → Good Question