Jokes → Wildlife

A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks out a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!" "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. Its very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back ...

Humorous Quips

• States should have the right to enact... laws... particularly to end the inhumane practice of ending a life that otherwise could live. Comment made while he was Governor of Texas, the state leading in executions.
  

  - George W. Bush 43rd President of the United States

Filed Under: → Politics

• In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
  

Filed Under: → Aviation

Used News → Old News

Dolphins save swimmers from great white shark: Dolphins proved to a swimmer's best friend when they saved a group of swimmers from attack by a great white shark. The amazing rescue took place at a beach near Whangarei on New Zealand's North Island when the swimmers were threatened by one of the ocean's most deadly predators.

Lifesavers Rob Howes, his 15-year-old daughter Niccy, Karina Cooper and Helen Slade were doing lifeguard training 100 meters (300 feet) off Ocean Beach when their frightening ordeal began. Being circled by a 3 meter (9 feet) great white, a pod of dolphins raced immediately to their rescue. The seven animals surrounded the swimmers for 40 minutes until they could swim to safety.

Initially Howes and his group thought they were being ...

Used News → Birth

Saturday November 1, 2003

It's a boy, no a girl - for Heather and Paul McCartney. Don't believe everything you read in the newspapers, especially Britain's Daily Mirror. It got it spectacularly wrong when it announced the birth of a new baby for 61-year-old superstar Sir Paul McCartney's and his wife Heather Mills. Proudly revealing it's world scoop, the front page banner headline screamed: "It's a boy! Exclusive - Macca baby a month early!" Except they got it wrong in one important little detail - the child was in fact a girl!

But the declaration by the Press Association a few hours later that the couple had become parents of a baby girl named Beatrice was all a bit late for the Mirror. It was also too late for the ...

Jokes → Wildlife

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she's a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand, I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When ...

Jokes → Accountants

There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem."

"You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an accountant make it this far and were not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the accountant. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What were going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven" "Sorry, we have rules." And with that St. Peter put the accountant in an elevator and it went down down down to hell.

The ...