This issue 5ยข

We're not new News, we're News Thats Used

Tomorrow is Wednesday August 5, 2020
This is day 217 of 2020

Used News Death

Sunday February 18, 2018

A father and son in Alabama were killed when they crashed into each other in a head-on collision. Jeffrey Morris Brasher and his son Austin Blaine Brasher of Bankston, Alabama, died early Saturday morning. Jeffrey Brasher was driving a 2006 Ford pickup and his son was driving a 2004 Chevrolet truck when they collided on a highway head-on, said Alabama State Trooper Jonathon Appling.

Jeffrey Brasher, 50, died at the scene. Austin, 20, died a few hours later after being rushed ...

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Did You Know

  • A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood.
  • Each year 96 billion pounds of food is wasted in the U.S.
  • Canada is an Indian word meaning Big Village.
  • Business.com was the most expensive domain name and it sold for $7.5 million.
  • Basketball great Wilt Chamberlain never fouled out of a game.

Jokes Divorce Jokes

A married couple are driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the steering wheel. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband ...

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  • At the end of a flight: "Our flight attendants are now walking through the aisles with trash receptacles for any garbage you might have or anything else that you might wanna give us!"

  • Filed Under: → Aviation

  • In the defense of our nation, a president must be a clear-eyed realist. There are limits to the smiles and scowls of diplomacy. Armies and missiles are not stopped by stiff notes of condemnation. They are held in check by strength and purpose and the promise of swift punishment.

    - George W. Bush 43rd President of the United States

  • Filed Under: → Politics

  • Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

  • Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

  • How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

  • What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?

  • If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills?

  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

  • Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?

View More: → Good Questions

  • KNXT TV channel 2 in Los Angeles, begins 1st broadcast.

    Friday February 6, 1948

  • Filed Under: → Entertainment

  • Lucy B Hobbs (Taylor) becomes 1st US woman to earn a Doctor of Dental Surgery degree.

    Wednesday February 21, 1866

  • Filed Under: → Medicine

  • New York Daily Graphic publishes first half-tone engraving image, by S H Horgan.

    Thursday March 4, 1880

  • Filed Under: → Business & Industry

  • Agatha Barbara is elected as the 1st female President of Malta.

    Tuesday February 16, 1982

  • Filed Under: → Politics

  • 1st boat load of gold rush prospectors arrives in San Francisco from the east coast.

    Wednesday February 28, 1849

  • Filed Under: → Travel Section

Jokes Business & Industry

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo-keeper explains to the mime that the zoos' most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one.

The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that its a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make ...

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  • I'm not a speed reader. I'm a speed under-stander. - Isaac Asimov Professor of Biochemistry

    Filed Under: → Science

  • There is a single light of science and to brighten it anywhere is to brighten it everywhere. - Isaac Asimov Professor of Biochemistry

    Filed Under: → Science

  • Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
    - Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, circa 1872

    Filed Under: → Irony

  • Dancing at the Party
    - by Hans Neesanboompsadaisy
  • Aches and Pains
    - by Arthur Ritis
  • Improve Your Target Shooting
    - by Mister Completely
  • The Garlic Eater
    - by Ima Lone
  • Seasons Greetings
    - by Mary Christmas
  • The Barber of Seville
    - by Aaron Floor
  • Mega Bites
    - by Amos Quito

Used News Death

Tuesday May 25, 2004

Even in death Irish comic genius Spike Milligan managed to have the last laugh. Two years after his death at his home in Sussex, England, the creator of "The Goon Show" has finally got the epitaph he wanted. A headstone bearing the words "I told you I was ill" has been erected above his grave at St. Thomas's Church in Winchelsea, East Sussex. Sadly for more than two years after his death at the age of 83, the funny man's grave had no gravestone, and was marked only with flowers and a small statue.

Problems arose after his family had been unable to agree on a headstone. Now his epitaph has finally been added to a Celtic cross above his grave. The monument carries the inscription ...

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Jokes Wildlife

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she's a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand, I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When ...

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Used News Old News

Monday January 1, 1500

Life in the 1500's: The next time you're washing yourself and complain that the water temperature isn't to your liking, think how it was for the unfortunate people living in the 1500's.

Most people married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good in June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and other men, then the women, and finally the children - last of all the babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it; hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs; thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, rats, and bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off ...

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Used News for August 04

World Firsts

  • 1st aviator to bail out at supersonic speed - GF Smith.

    Saturday February 26, 1955

  • Filed Under: → Travel Section

  • New York Yankees become 1st team to train outside United States moving to Bermuda camp.

    Tuesday March 4, 1913

  • Filed Under: → Sports

  • Earl Anthony becomes the 1st Pro Bowler to win more than $1 million.

    Saturday February 27, 1982

  • Filed Under: → Sports

  • China uses it's 1st nuclear reactor.

    Thursday February 16, 1961

  • Filed Under: → War

  • Chaim Weizmann becomes the 1st Israeli President.

    Sunday February 27, 1949

  • Filed Under: → Politics

View More: → World Firsts

Wise Words

  • Indecision is like a stepchild if he does not wash his hands, he is called dirty, if he does, he is wasting water.

    - African Proverb

    Filed Under: Wise WordsProverbs

Good Question

  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
  • How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
  • You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?
    Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
  • If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
  • If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills?
  • What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?

Filed Under: → Good Question