EDITION #1305
This issue 5ยข
We're not new News, we're News Thats Used
Tomorrow is Sunday January 19, 2020
This is day 18 of 2020

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream at him, for his constant nights out and coming home in a drunken state. But, Harry continued his nightly routine.

One day, the wife was talking to a friend about her husbands behavior, and was particularly ...

Originally posted on 2020-01-17

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    - by Trudy Light
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    - by Anne Tarctic
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    - by Percy Vere
  • Discipline in the Home
    - by Wilma Child-Begood

  • It takes the same amount of time to age a cigar as wine.
  • The average temperature at 40,000 feet above sea level is -60 F.
  • Worcestershire Sauce is basically an Anchovy ketchup.
  • The energy of a discharge of an electric eel could start 50 cars.
  • The electric chair was invented by a dentist!
  • Indoor pollution is 10 times more toxic than outdoor pollution.

  • What do you call an aardvark that's been thrown out of a pub?
    A barredvark!
  • Who is the Lone Aardvarks faithful Indian companion?
    Tanto
  • What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
    An aardvark with the sniffles!
  • What do you call a pickled aardvark?
    A jarredvark!
  • How do ants hide from aardvarks?
    They disguise themselves as uncles!
  • What do you call an aardvark good with a light saber?
    A darthvark!

  • Do fish get thirsty?
  • Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
  • How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders ?
  • Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
  • If all the nations in the world are in the debt, where did all the money go?
  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called ship-ment but when you transport something by ship its called cargo?

A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. ...

Originally posted on

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  • At the end of a flight: "Our flight attendants are now walking through the aisles with trash receptacles for any garbage you might have or anything else that you might wanna give us!"

  • Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!


  • Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?
  • How long will a floating point operation float?
  • If all the nations in the world are in the debt, where did all the money go?
  • Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • How come wrong numbers are never busy?