Jokes → Wildlife

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the end of his day when a dog with a basket in it's jaws comes pushing through the door. "And wots this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butchers shins. "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.

The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best ground beef. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day. The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around, glaring at the pup, and gets the best stuff from the fridge. ...

Humorous Quips

• An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device, when a man remarked, "Hey! If the plane cant fly, why should I believe the seat can float?"
  

Filed Under: → Aviation

• "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." "Last one off the plane must clean it."
  

Filed Under: → Aviation

Used News → Old News

Dolphins save swimmers from great white shark: Dolphins proved to a swimmer's best friend when they saved a group of swimmers from attack by a great white shark. The amazing rescue took place at a beach near Whangarei on New Zealand's North Island when the swimmers were threatened by one of the ocean's most deadly predators.

Lifesavers Rob Howes, his 15-year-old daughter Niccy, Karina Cooper and Helen Slade were doing lifeguard training 100 meters (300 feet) off Ocean Beach when their frightening ordeal began. Being circled by a 3 meter (9 feet) great white, a pod of dolphins raced immediately to their rescue. The seven animals surrounded the swimmers for 40 minutes until they could swim to safety.

Initially Howes and his group thought they were being ...

Used News → Crime Beat

Tuesday September 9, 2003

Criminal charges were filed by Federal Prosecutors against a man who had himself shipped by air in a crate from New York to Dallas to visit his parents. Charles D. McKinley was charged with stowing away on a cargo jet.

McKinley, a 25-year-old shipping clerk at a New York warehouse, journeyed overnight about 1,500 miles by truck, plane and delivery van before startling his parents by popping out of the box at their home. A driver for Pilot Air Freight, picked up the crate at Dallas-Fort Worth Airport and delivered it to McKinley's parents' home in suburban DeSoto. When the driver went to unload the 350-pound crate from his truck, he saw a pair of eyes and thought there was a body inside. Then McKinley broke ...

Jokes → Wildlife

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she's a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand, I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When ...

Used News → Old News

Monday January 1, 1500

Life in the 1500's: The next time you're washing yourself and complain that the water temperature isn't to your liking, think how it was for the unfortunate people living in the 1500's.

Most people married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good in June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and other men, then the women, and finally the children - last of all the babies. By then, the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it; hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs; thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, rats, and bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off ...